Archive for the 'Society' Category

10
May

Unlucky in Love? No, it’s Probably your Fault.

There’s rarely such thing as being unlucky in love. Bad luck is much like good luck in that pure instances of such are exceedingly rare. Even winning the lottery is not 100% luck since one first has to make the conscious decision to play. So what to make of those who perpetually end up in bad situations and consider themselves “unlucky”?

Everyone knows at least one girl or woman who claims to be unlucky with the opposite sex. She can never seem to get a break as she muddles through relationships with jerk after jerk. None of her men are faithful. None of them treat her right. It’s as though cupid were shooting her with poison darts.

Mariah Carey's Touch my Body videoSimilarly, most people know at least one apparently “nice guy” who can’t seem to find a soul mate. His girls take his money, string him along, makes eyes at his friends, keep an unusual number of male friends of their own and eventually leave him for someone more exciting.

The obvious solution would be to pair these unlucky guys and gals together – surely their mutual sensitivity and desire not to break hearts would create a long and stable relationship?

Actually, it wouldn’t.

Western romance’s saddest irony is actually being quite good at delivering what we want – only later do we figure out that what we want is not what we need. This has little to do with the available population and much to do with our sampling, as humans are hard-wired to be initially superficial – if you want a thin blonde with a D-cup, chances are you’ll eventually find one. Can you complain when she turns out to be a bitch? No, because you asked for a thin blonde with a D-cup and left the rest to chance.

People who say “I want a nice guy” or “I need a regular nice girl” are willfully ignorant to the fact that they are probably surrounded by such individuals. They are at the post office checking their mail, walking their dogs and serving coffee after school. What they’re not doing is providing the requisite “excitement” or prestige to play to the fantasies of the opposite sex. They’re normal and boring – kind of like you.

From my observation, the average person selects a date to suit one of two visions –

  1. How she sees herself
  2. How she sees herself in the future

For #1, low self-esteem causes people to pick mates that will be at best inattentive and at worst abusive. Some fear being alone and will pick almost anyone for companionship - an even more dangerous position. Predators and narcissists thrive on weak-willed people and can usually turn on the charm just long enough to snag a new victim.

For #2, the unlucky one is typically choosing a mate to reflect her ambitions. This includes physical attributes of course but could also apply to financial wealth and status. Back when I was active on the dance music scene, women found great prestige in dating the DJ. Apparently it didn’t matter if he was a bony, 150lb recluse whose star profile was unknown outside Ontario – dating the DJ made you somebody! The same logic creates endless generations of “puck bunnies” (girls who chase emerging hockey players) and vapid club girls. So not to be sexist, the fellas can rarely ignore the pouty pin-up girl in the mini who looks like she just stepped out of a teen movie.

And what happens when the prestigious DJ turns out to be a total psychopath? His mate is pitied and she calls herself unlucky. But luck has little to do with the process – when people choose based on surface attributes, everything else is basically crap shoot and -more often than not- “crap” is what results.

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26
Apr

Minorities and Accommodation in Canada

Is Canada doing too much to accommodate visible minorities? According to a poll commissioned by the Globe and Mail and CTV News, 61% of Canadians as a whole, and 72% of Quebeckers, answer in the affirmative. This figure is higher among rural as opposed to urban dwellers, people over fifty, and those who earn less than $50,000 a year. Yet 88% of respondents believe their community is welcoming of visible minorities. Moreover, only 9% claim to be bothered by the fact that non-Whites now make up a sixth of the country’s population, while 48% see this situation as positive and the remaining 42% are unsure.

The findings seem contradictory at first glance. It appears the majority of Canadians are not disturbed by non-European immigrants per se but feel the government is bending over too far backwards to please them. Furthermore, 45% of those who took part in the survey say newcomers are holding onto traditions from their homelands for too long; most of the rest think immigrants are integrating at an acceptable pace.

Peter Donolo of the Strategic Council, the polling firm that actually carried out the survey, says recent controversies like the establishment of Islamic sharia law and funding of faith-based schools have contributed to Canadians’ ambivalence about immigration. The Globe and Mail provided a forum along with the article for readers to discuss the poll’s results. As often happens, the forum turned into a White versus non-White altercation, with some participants on one hand loudly decrying immigrants’ attempt to impose their customs on mainstream Canadian society and others condemning Canada’s hostility towards visible minorities. One reader in the former camp cites the acceptance of the Sikh turban in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP), the creation of Black-focused schools and the attempt to bring sharia law to Ontario as examples of non-White immigrants’ incessant demands. He attributes this situation to the failure of Canada ’s multicultural policy.
Continue reading ‘Minorities and Accommodation in Canada’

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03
Mar

Marriage Immigration Fraud

Several years ago I was casually dating a man from Colombia named Carlos*. On our second date, he raised the topic of matrimony. I was a bit surprised; barely two weeks of knowing one another seemed a bit early for him to basically propose to me. Many other girls might be flattered or even elated if they received a proposal so soon in the relationship. However, while I was attracted to Carlos and was indeed considering a future with him, I suspected he might have ulterior motives for bringing up marriage on our second meeting. Carlos was in Canada on a visitor’s visa. As he explained it, there were three ways he could stay in this country: by obtaining refugee status (which he ultimately did), staying here illegally and working under the table, or marrying a Canadian. Needless to say, I did not marry him.

Though I did not become an example of it, my experience with Carlos got me interested in the subject of marriage fraud. Marriage fraud is defined as the act of marrying an individual with the sole purpose of immigrating to or obtaining permanent status in his or her country of residence and lying about the true purpose of the marriage (i.e. pretending to be in love with him or her). Marriage fraud should be distinguished from marriage of convenience, where both parties agree to get married in order to help one of them immigrate but where there is no intent to deceive the other (a la Andie MacDowell and Gerard Depardieu in the film Green Card).

The most famous case of (probable) marriage fraud is perhaps that of African-American writer Terry McMillan and Jonathan Plummer. At the age of 42, McMillan took a trip to Jamaica and there met Plummer, then twenty. After marrying him and bringing him to the United States, she wrote a semi-autobiographical novel about her experience entitled How Stella Got Her Groove Back, which was later made into a movie with Angela Bassett in the lead role. The marriage ended a decade later when Plummer revealed he was gay. He claimed to have discovered his homosexuality only on coming to the States, but McMillan asserted he knew of it all along and merely used her to get a green card. Personally, I strongly believe McMillan’s explanation to be the more likely one – though as a gay man his desire to leave Jamaica was somewhat understandable given the extensive homophobia in that nation and though maybe McMillan should have wondered why, gay or not, a man half her age in a developing country would be so eager to walk down the aisle with her.

Away from the limelight, marriage fraud has recently become an issue in Canada as well. The Toronto Sun ran an article in 2006 about a Canadian woman who married a Cuban man, only to have him abandon her three months after he received his permanent residency and social insurance number in this country. She would moreover be legally obliged to reimburse the government for any welfare costs he might incur. A local Toronto Chinese daily featured a story on a woman whom many in the community suspected of marrying her now-deceased husband solely to enter Canada. Many marriage fraud incidents involve the South Asian community. The situation among them is further complicated by the fact that a considerable proportion of their marriages are arranged by family members, so it may be even more difficult for them to gauge their would-be spouse’s true intentions if he or she lives outside Canada.

Now some people have said “enough.” A number of organizations with names like Stopmarriagefraud.ca, the Canadian Marriage Fraud Victim Society, and Canadians Against Immigration Fraud have formed to combat fraudulent marriages. They have received support from British Columbia Member of Legislative Assembly Raj Chouhan. Their premise: that Canada’s immigration system makes it too easy for people abroad to wed Canadians just to get a foothold in this country. For instance, the husband or wife of a Canadian citizen is provided with permanent residency papers immediately upon arriving here. Anti-marriage fraud groups suggest that Canada instead adopt a similar framework to that in the United States and Australia, whereby foreign spouses of nationals must wait three years before they can become permanent residents. If the marriage dissolved before the end of that period, barring hard cases such as domestic violence the spouse would be deported to his or her homeland, and obviously the Canadian partner would not be on the hook financially for him or her.

As a would-be victim of marriage fraud myself, I look at these organizations’ sites regularly and have even contributed to one of them (Stopmarriagefraud.ca). Some of them admittedly raise a few questions in my mind. For example, one states that the majority of Canadian-foreigner marriages involve deceit but provides no data to show this. The danger in making unsubstantiated claims is that when they are found to have no basis in fact they can cause the whole movement to lose credibility. They end up making the writer of the claim at issue (in this case, that most marriages with non-Canadians are shams) look irrational. As a result some readers might dismiss the existence of genuine marriage fraud entirely. I also have reservations about the wisdom of automatically deporting suspected marriage fraudsters. Deportation is not always practical: some individuals with deportation orders against them simply fail to show up at the immigration office and go into hiding. On the other hand, lengthening the period required to obtain permanent residence from zero to three years does not appear unreasonable. If the marriage ends before that time, the foreign partner should perhaps not be deported but nor should be entitled to alimony from his or her former spouse or to welfare from the public purse. This might ultimately push some fraudulent husbands and wives to go back to their home country if they knew they could not receive any financial assistance in Canada. Finally, these sites do an important job in raising awareness about the problem of marriage fraud.

* Pseudonym.

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11
Feb

Colliding Freedoms: The Adhan in Oxford

The city of Oxford, England is currently embroiled in a controversy. The question: should the muezzin (sort of Muslim equivalent of a Christian sexton) of a local mosque be permitted to broadcast the Adhan (Islamic call to prayer) three times daily over a loudspeaker? The debate has heated up in the United Kingdom itself and abroad. In the minds of some individuals, the public call to prayer is part of Muslims’ freedom of worship. Others - including one Jewish columnist - claim instead that it amounts to an unacceptable imposition on Britain’s majority Christian culture. The matter is now before Oxford’s City Council.

I would probably oppose the Adhan on purely aesthetic grounds. Loud, overpowering human voices bother me. This has nothing to do with Islam per se: as a practising Christian I find street corner evangelists shouting “Repent and be saved” at the top of their lungs equally irritating. The difference is that beyond some one hundred metres the sound of street preachers tends to fade into nothingness, whereas the voice of a muezzin on an amplifier would be heard over a much wider radius, including areas like residential neighbourhoods where Christian preachers generally do not operate.

People on both sides of the issue have compared the muezzin’s call to the chiming of Christian church bells. Though this may be a matter of personal taste, I don’t find church bells particularly intrusive. In fact, in downtown Toronto the bells from the nearby cathedrals often play some rather pretty tunes, in my opinion. Of course over my nearly forty years in Canada I’ve become attuned to the sound of such chimes; perhaps I might regard them as mere noise pollution if I were moving here from a non-Christian majority country.

The argument that the Adhan should not be allowed because Britain is a “Christian” country strikes me as less convincing. True, the UK is a Christian nation in that the bulk of its inhabitants identify at least nominally with Christianity, albeit with different denominations. Britain has a state religion, the Church of England (Anglican). However, freedom of worship is guaranteed by British law, and in this respect Anglicans and Christians in general enjoy no advantage over followers of other faiths. It also seems somewhat ironic that some commentators speak of Muslims “imposing” themselves on Britain when as a former colonial power that nation did not hesitate to foist its customs on the peoples it conquered. (Here I’m not singling out Britain; most other Western European countries, such as my father’s native Italy, have a history of colonialism as well.)

On the other hand, freedom of religion has its limits; it cannot infringe on the rights of others. Courts in the United States, for instance, have on occasion stepped in when Christian Scientists have attempted to deny their children medical care on religious grounds. The situation in Oxford is not quite as dramatic, but it might be argued that if the muezzin’s call is overly loud and disturbs residents’ right to peace and quiet, it should not be permitted. Hopefully the City Council of Oxford, in consultation with the citizens, will make a good decision.

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29
Jan

Toronto School Board Approves Black-Focused Schools

The seemingly unthinkable has been approved in the center of the universe:

Tuesday night, the Toronto District School Board said yes to so-called Black-focused schools.

Tuesday’s vote actually capped months of heated back-and-forth involving parents, students, teachers and trustees, the end result of which was the board throwing its support behind “four innovative strategies for improving the success of Black students.”

The approved strategies include:

  • Establishing a Program Area Review Team to recommend the program and operational model for an Africentric Alternative School opening in September 2009;
  • Establishing a pilot program in three existing schools integrating the histories, cultures, experiences and contributions of people of African descent and other racialized groups into curriculum, teaching practices and school environment;
  • Establishing a Staff Development, Research and Innovation Centre in collaboration with post-secondary institutions and community agencies to assess best practices for improving the success of marginalized and vulnerable students; and
  • Developing an action plan for addressing underachievement for all marginalized and vulnerable students.

Talking Points:

  1. Poor black performance in school is a consequence of poor black performance in life. Canada is largely to blame, since the nation decided in the 1970’s to limit the number of Caribbean students (read: people with the facilities to deal with discimination) in favour of cheap labour. Some of the cheap labour who arrived were considered trash even back in the Caribbean (as upper class Caribbeans will attest - in private) and there is little cultural influence compelling them to change their violent/non-academic ways here. Imagine Saudi Arabia emptying the trailer parks of Canada for cheap labour in the oil fields, only to complain later about their unwillingness to adapt to the humility of Islam. “What do you expect?” would be our likely response. Based on this pattern, Portuguese and Latino schools can’t be far away.
  2. Anyone who saw the board meeting on TV no doubt noticed the proponents were utterly classless during the proceeding. On more than one occasion the chair requested that there be NO APPLAUSE OR HECKLING after board members speak. The parents ignored requests for civility, bursting out in spasms of applause or hissing after every monologue like they were at a methodist church. They also rudely accosted a black trustee after the vote for daring to oppose the proposal. Is it any wonder so many children in the inner city have disciplinary problems? Look at their role models!
  3. Africentric schools are going be reform schools for the simple fact that they cannot afford to have the same dropout rate as other high schools without being declared failures. Since the proponents themselves are targeting kids that have dropped out of school, the curriculum will have to be dumbed down so the homies can keep up. Expect few A and B students at these schools, as no black student with serious post-secondary aspirations wants to submit an academic record showing graduation from “the ghetto school”.
  4. Where were the Africans during the Africentric debates?  Barely a Somali or Ethiopian in sight.
  5. The most entertaining part of the blog dialog (diablog?) was watching certain conservative websites invoke the ghost of Martin Luther King to oppose the “segregation” of Africentric schools. Virtually any other discourse they engage in involving blacks inevitably leads to discussions over black intellectual inferiority, ridicule of black culture or poorly-veiled fears of miscegenation. Wasn’t white flight from Toronto about escaping darkie? (and slanty and dotty, and..) Of course supporting this school would amount to supporting the transfer of government funds to initiatives favoured by rival liberals/socialists - hence the opposition.
  6. Sandy (a dissenting conservative who cannot in any way be classed with those described in #5) has her work cut out for her. I wish her all the best and hope that one day such schools will no longer appeal to so many people. We are one society, whether we like it or not.
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22
Jan

Black-Focused Schools: Are they the Answer?

The subject of Black-focused schools has once again come into the limelight. The Toronto District School Board is presently debating the issue, with some individuals arguing for the idea and others against it. The purpose of these schools, say the former, is to help lower the high dropout rate among Black youths by providing them with an educational environment that emphasizes the history and culture of African and African-descended peoples, like the majority of inhabitants of the Caribbean region. Because the mainstream school system does not affirm Black students’ heritage, many of them feel alienated from and eventually abandon formal education. Opponents on the other hand call Black-focused schools a return to the “separate but equal” days of segregation. Others, such as the National Post, openly state that the causes of African-Canadian adolescents’ high dropout rate lie not in the school but in the home: fatherless families, teen pregnancy, and welfare dependency among other things.

Personally I find some of the arguments of both parties a little extreme. Case in point: the charge of “segregation.” Surely no African-Canadian student would be forced to go to a Black-focused school, and non-Blacks would be welcome to attend too, although it’s hard to imagine many White or Asian families choosing to send their children to a Black-focused school. Nonetheless, as much as the “con” side’s statements strike me as overly alarmist, those of the pros appear even more dubious in some respects. For example, while Canadian public schools are hardly “Asian-focused,” Chinese, Koreans and East Indians are along with Jews the highest-achieving students in them. So the lack of emphasis on their heritage cannot be the only reason for Black teens’ elevated rate of school abandonment.

Some say that Black-focused schools will give the impression that African-Canadian students can’t “make it” in the mainstream academic world. Again, this fear appears rather exaggerated. On the other hand, with celebrities like James Watson and Philippe Rushton claiming that Blacks are genetically inferior to Whites, perhaps the establishment of such schools might in the minds of some people reinforce the notion that Blacks need “special” classes the way children with Down syndrome do. I admit it would bother me if my sister enrolled her two sons – who are biracial; their father is African-American – in a Black-focused school. It might lead me to think she did not consider them “good enough” for the mainstream system (my nephews are A students, by the way).

With all my ambivalence about Black-focused schools, though, I do believe they may be worth a try if African-Canadian parents really want them. They might help at least some students improve their grades and stay in school. I also feel that mainstream schools should teach children of all ethnic backgrounds, including Whites, about non-European histories and cultures. But in the end Black-focused schools are not the most effective solution to African-Canadians’ high dropout rate.

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18
Jan

The Hijab: What does it Mean for Women?

The hijab (headscarf worn by Muslim women) has been getting a great deal of attention lately. A father in Mississauga, Ontario, Canada killed his teenage daughter for allegedly refusing to wear the scarf. Halfway across the world, fifteen students at an all-female school in Saudi Arabia burned to death in a fire after the country’s religious police did not let them leave the building because their heads were uncovered. However, the hijab has its proponents. A Muslim-American (female) writer wonders why many Americans see the veil as a sign of oppression when their own countrywomen are starving their bodies for the sake of “looking good.” One Western woman who converted to Islam and started covering her hair enjoyed the fact that construction workers no longer catcalled at her. So is the hijab a tool of women’s oppression or an instrument of their liberation? The answer, in my view, is more complicated than both the veil’s defenders and opponents are willing to admit.

What some Muslim women claim the hijab makes them feel free – free from sexual harassment, free from pressure to be “beautiful” in the eyes of others, free, in a sense, from being objectified as women by society in general and by men in particular. For example, a former “all-American girl” who converted to Islam wrote some years ago in the now-defunct Sassy Magazine that the veil led people to see her as a full human being rather than a sexual plaything. And most of these women emphasize that the hijab is a choice. One such woman is Faten Hijazi, a computer engineering student and former president of the Muslim Student Association at San Jose State University. She explains that the veil cannot be forced on an individual and that Islam prescribes modesty for both men and women. In her opinion, the hijab also protects women from obsessing over their appearance to the point of, in some cases, falling victim to eating disorders.

The stories in the first paragraph of this essay have forced me to look at the issue of the hijab from the perspective of a non-Muslim woman. On one hand, as a fairly modest dresser myself I identify to some extent with the above-mentioned women. At present my active wardrobe consists of several pairs of long loose pants and a few calf-length skirts. My even remotely sexy dresses, which in any event come down just to the knee, have been collecting dust at the back of my closet because wearing them would make it awkward for me to breastfeed my eight-month-old daughter. And forget Britney Spears-type outfits, which would be a little unseemly due to my visible caesarean scar. I also understand the wish to avoid catcalls from men. I remember agonizing almost weekly as an eleven-year-old undergoing early puberty when the boys in my class teased me about posing for Playboy. While looking back now my primary school travails seem almost humorous, I have to wonder whether the boys would have subjected me to their needling had I been wearing a veil.

Nonetheless, I have a few problems with some of the arguments put forth by hijab defenders. I think first of the woman who said once she started covering her hair men stopped whistling at her. In my view a woman who dresses like Madonna shouldn’t be too shocked if men catcall at and/or make suggestive comments to her (though of course no actual touching should be tolerated). But is it necessary to wear the hijab, or in some cases the niqab (a veil that leaves only the eyes uncovered) or full-body burqa, to prevent harassment? Some men will catcall at women no matter how the latter dress. It furthermore seems somewhat disconcerting to imply that women should expect to be sexually harassed if they don’t conform to Islamic standards of modesty. One Arab website, for instance, suggests that one reason for the rape of Filipina domestics in the Gulf States is the women’s attire. On the site is a picture of two Filipinas in short-sleeved blouses and skirts cut just below the knee. These women struck me as no more immodestly dressed than most out-of-habit Catholic nuns and as much more modestly attired than the average Western woman today. In addition, one has to wonder, judging by that particular website, whether the concern for women’s welfare Muslim commentators frequently attribute to Islam applies to all women or just to those deemed “virtuous” enough.

I now want to address the hijab from the perspective of a practising Christian. Christianity, at least in its mainstream version, does not possess any dress codes for women, or men for that matter. Of course most people would agree that going into a church in a microskirt is both socially inappropriate and disrespectful to the religion itself. However, I have to question the concept that one, particularly a woman, has to dress in a certain manner in order to be considered a faithful member of a religion (note: some Muslims say that the Koran does not specifically require women to veil themselves; I don’t know enough about Islam to provide an expert opinion on this). I tend to see faith as more of an internal than external matter. I’m not saying that women who do wear the hijab are trying to broadcast to the world “Look at what a good Muslim I am!” But as one Muslim woman – actually, Sara Balabagan, the Filipina domestic worker who was acquitted of murdering her employer after he tried to rape her – put it, what use is it to wear a veil if one does not follow Islam’s teachings.

The biggest problem I have with hijab defenders is their implication that to veil or not to veil is always a free decision on the part of the woman in question. For women in some Islamic countries, like Saudi Arabia, it is not: they are required to cover their heads when out in public. One might argue that the students burned at the above-mentioned school in that country died from a lack of choice.

This brings me to another matter: should Muslim girls be allowed to wear the hijab in public secular schools? The issue became the subject of an intense debate in France. The authorities there answered the question in the negative. While this decision was applauded by French conservatives and endorsed by some Canadian conservatives, like National Post columnist Barbara Kay, the left’s reaction was more ambiguous. The Nation columnist Katha Pollitt spoke of an acquaintance of hers, a forward-thinking (female) academic who at first supported the French Muslim girls’ “right” to wear the veil to class as an expression of their religion and culture. Pollitt’s friend changed her mind, however, upon hearing some of the girls themselves say they appreciated the French authorities’ ban on the hijab because otherwise their parents would have forced them to wear it. I on one hand don’t necessarily share Barbara Kay’s view that a similar ban in Canadian schools would have saved the life of Aqsa Parvez, the Mississauga girl killed by her father for supposedly refusing to put on the veil. On the other hand, Kay is right to state that the hijab can’t be equated to a Christian cross worn by a female high school student (I also suspect some schoolgirls wear a cross not to show their faith but to emulate their idol Madonna, who uses the crucifix in her stage acts).

The hijab is a complex issue, for which there are no easy answers. But to regard it as a sure sign of either women’s oppression or liberation appears somewhat extreme in both cases.

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