It seems like only yesterday that the Andrea Yates child murders started to fade from the collective consciousness. Recall Mrs. Yates, who sequentially drowned her five children in the family bathtub before notifying her husband, was originally convicted for first-degree murder but had the verdict overturned and was committed to a mental institution due to severe depression. Today’s AP wire is carrying a similar story for another disgruntled Texas housewife:
A stay-at-home mother in an affluent Dallas suburb fatally shot her husband and two children as they slept before killing herself, police said.
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Detectives were reviewing a suicide note left in the house, where Andrea Roberts killed her husband, Michael Lewis Roberts, and children, Micayla, 11, and Dylan, 7, police said. Each had a single gunshot wound to the head.
The article contains quotes from neighbors who have only positive things to say about Andrea Roberts and her family:
“They seemed like the ideal couple, the ideal mom and dad,” said Warren, who has lived next to the Roberts for about seven years. “Their kids were their lives.”
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“She would always volunteer and step up,” Carson said. “One of her biggest flaws was she couldn’t say no.”
While details are still forthcoming, there is a very good chance that Ms Roberts will be publicly diagnosed with some kind of severe depression or mental illness. Later revelations will probably detail extensive use of drugs to treat those illnesses, along with a litany of small warning signs behind Roberts’ June Cleaver facade. In other words, it will be a repeat of the Andrea Yates saga, albeit with a more tragic (or satisfying, if you’re more revenge-minded) ending.
What makes a mother depressed enough to kill her children? Perhaps the question should be “what’s making so many mothers so depressed in the first place?†After all, as traditionalists would have us believe, a woman’s place is in the home. Baking cookies and changing dirty diapers are supposed to provide complete spiritual, physical and mental fulfillment. Feminists and career-women are said to be in denial about their natural role and will eventually “come aroundâ€.
These traditional beliefs seem to sustain via the belief that women were happy with sex roles before the rise of radical feminism in the 1960’s. In particular, the 1950’s is held up as a paragon of social order. However, as reported in a recent Toronto Star article, the traditional roles were maintained using very unnatural means:
Citizens there excitedly turned out to watch the unearthing of a 50-year-old time capsule – a 1957 Plymouth Belvedere loaded with artifacts of its era. Among them, a “typical” woman’s purse which contained bobby pins, gum, loose change, a compact, cigarettes, an unpaid parking ticket … and a bottle of tranquillizers.
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The fact that the town officials considered a purse containing tranquillizers – as well as a photo of a 20-year-old bride – as representative of womanhood in 1957 reveals much about the tenor of the times.
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“What was that culture saying about women?” says Toronto therapist Barbara Everett, speaking on behalf of the Canadian Mental Health Association (Ontario). “That this was as common as lipstick, that they needed to be drugged.”
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Valium was followed by tricyclic antidepressants such as Elavil. Then came the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Paxil, etc.) and a host of sedatives (Halcion) and anti-anxiety drugs (Ativan, Xanax). Some are combos – such as Effexor – and are advertised in women’s magazines as aids for overcoming stressful social situations.
The article goes on to state that women are still outrank men by more than 2:1 for prescriptions of antidepressants and tranquilizers. The Canadian Mental Health Association is reporting that post-partum depression –a major source of these prescriptions- affects up to 80% of new mothers (source: aforementioned article).
Context aside, most people would agree that a life sustained by powerful sedatives and psychotropic drugs isn’t a natural life at all. Some of us might even call such people junkies. Can we therefore continue to claim that every woman’s destiny is invariably in the home?
It’s advisable to go on a vacation, to get rid of the dull monotonous life style which makes some women vulnerable to drug addiction. If you’re on tight budget, even then you can enjoy an exclusive maui vacation, with your family. Just log on to official website of US vacation club international, where you’ll get your hands on cheap cancun vacation packages. Other vacation sales packages include year-around fun activities for your entire family trip.
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As a social conservative woman, I do not identify at all with the June Cleaver stereotype. There are people who genuinely needs drugs to keep them level because of a bona fide mental health issue.
Sometimes the difference between the social conservative woman and the feminist is not their perception of what the problem is, but what the solution. Social conservative women do not object to women fulfilling themselves through roles other than wife and mother, but not at the expense of their children’s development. There is no substitute for a parent.
Hi Suzanne:
True, there are people who really do need the drugs, and while I’m not qualified to say what % of the population that may entail, it is likely be few enough that the idea of women being tranquilized would not have become movie cliche (as noted in the Star article).
If social conservative women no not object to women become something other than wife/mother, then what separates social conservatism from the mainstream? Most women don’t wish ill upon their children, and only small number adopt the idea of the state raising the child as an active philosophy (many more are forced into heavily using daycare for economic reasons).
CY
PS – I like your site
Interesting article. I think whatever choice a woman makes – whether she stays home full-time with her children, goes back to work full-time, or chooses to work part-time – will have challenges, and one woman’s best choice may not another’s. Right now I am at home for maternity leave and am doing paid work (translation) out of the home. So where would I fit in this scheme? I personally don’t know if I could stay home without having any paid income; not only economically but psychologically I don’t think I could be fulfilled with taking care of children without anything else. But if other women make that choice, that is fine with me.
There are some studies showing that mothers who work outside the home are on average less depressed than those who do not. But there is always the question of cause and effect: are women who stay home depressed because they stay home, or do they stay home because they are depressed? I don’t know if we’ll ever discover the answer.
Cynic: The big objection among many (but not necessarily all) social conservatives is women leaving their kids in daycare for forty hours a week.
As I said: there’s no substitutde for a parent. Sometimes it’s necessary for a host of circumstances, like a sick husband, divorce, etc. but that should not be the ideal.
That being said, it doesn’t mean a woman can’t work at all– a part-time job, or own an at-home business or volunteer or do activism (like me). It’s just that mothers should be emotionally available to their children most of the time. It’s unfair to the kid to have him, then stick him in daycare for 50 hours a week, depriving him of that emotional connection that is most likely to help in his development. And what’s the point of having kids if you don’t see them most of the week?
Many moms go to work because they feel that’s what’s expected of them. They think they can’t make it financially, when in reality, they’re just not prepared to sacrifice. In order to do what I do, I’ve had to settle living in a townhouse, instead of a single detached, and a cheap one at that. Sure it’s a sacrifice, but I get to see my kids, and my kids see me, and when there’s a problem, I’m there. It’s especially important since my daughter is autistic and has other concurrent issues, so I need to take her to the doctor every so often. I didn’t have to take time off work, I just did it.
I would say though, that it would help if stay-at-home moms weren’t so isolated. When you move to a new city like I did, and you have a newborn, and you don’t know anyone, that’s tough. I’d say that causes depression. I wasn’t depressed, but it was tough for me. I thought my daughter was collicky, but looking back I think she was being autistic and that’s why she cried a lot.