Cynics Unlimited

“He was dividing God’s land, and I would say, ‘Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the [European Union], the United Nations or the United States of America … God says, ‘This land belongs to me, and you’d better leave it alone’”
-Pat Robertson (2006), suggesting God caused Israeli PM Ariel Sharon to have a stroke, as retribution for entering negotiations with the Palestinians

Aside from challenging Jerry Falwell for the title of Christian court jester, Pat Robertson has contributed precious little to the American religious or political landscape as of late. Starting his career in the 1950’s, Robertson quickly became an A-list star on the Christian scene. Robertson’s success was attributed in part to a keen ability to tap into the fears of Christian conservatives, threatened by an ever-secularizing government and media. Equally important was Pat’s business savvy - his primary achievements include the internationally-viewed CBN Cable Network (later sold to Fox and eventually Disney), the formation of what would become Regent University, the ACLJ (fashioned as an anti-ACLU, focused on dissolving the separation between church and state) and most notably the Christian Coalition. Robertson also raised considerable revenue by delineating his conservative Christian views in various books and on his talk show, The 700 Club.

In fact, Pat Robertson’s adherence to Christian principles often took a backseat to his financial endeavors. In order to secure his business assets in China, Robertson defended China’s abortion-driven One Child policy as a practical solution to avoid overpopulation. Praise for his Rwandan refugee effort “Operation Blessing” soon turned to scorn when it was discovered the non-profit outfit was being used to transport diamond mining equipment for a joint business venture between Robertson and African dictator Mobutu Sese Seko. In what was perhaps his boldest move, Robertson publicly backed Liberian dictator Charles Taylor, who committed numerous human rights atrocities before being forced into exile. Robertson’s defense was most likely a bid to secure his multimillion dollar investment in Liberian gold mines.

As if this weren’t enough, the fiery 700 Club minister turned heads over the past 20 years with a seemingly endless flurry of bizarre and extremist rhetoric that even staunchly conservative Christians were unable to defend:

“I think George Bush is going to win in a walk. I really believe that I’m hearing from the Lord it’s going to be like a blowout election of 2004. It’s shaping up that way. The Lord has just blessed him…. I mean, he could make terrible mistakes and comes out of it. It doesn’t make any difference what he does, good or bad. God picks him up because he’s a man of prayer and God’s blessing him.”
-Pat Robertson (2004) explaining why the Christian George Bush would win the election and Christian Al Gore would not … by a landslide no less

“I think ‘one man, one vote’ just unrestricted democracy, would not be wise. There needs to be some kind of protection for the minority which the white people represent now, a minority, and they need and have a right to demand a protection of their rights.”
-Pat Robertson (1992) on why post-apartheid South Africa should not embrace democracy

“It is interesting, that termites don’t build things, and the great builders of our nation almost to a man have been Christians, because Christians have the desire to build something. He is motivated by love of man and God, so he builds. The people who have come into institutions are primarily termites. They are into destroying institutions that have been built by Christians, whether it is universities, governments, our own traditions, that we have…. The termites are in charge now, and that is not the way it ought to be, and the time has arrived for a godly fumigation.”
-Pat Robertson (1986) declaring destruction to all non-believers

“Many of those people involved with Adolph Hitler were Satanists, many of them were homosexuals — the two things seem to go together.”
-Pat Robertson (1993) apparently implying Hitler and the original Nazi Party were in power after 1966, when the church of Satan was initially formed

“To see Americans become followers of Islam is nothing short of insanity…. The Islamic people, the Arabs, were the ones who captured Africans, put them in slavery, and sent them to America as slaves. Why would the people in America want to embrace the religion of slavers”
-Pat Robertson (1997) declaring that Americans had no problem receiving slaves … just the religion of the merchants since their slave values is immoral [ignoring historical revision for now]

“Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It’s no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history.”
-Pat Robertson (1993) explaining why media opposition to his values is worse than slavery and comparable to the holocaust

“The founding document of the United States of America acknowledges the Lordship of Jesus Christ because we are a Christian nation.”
-Pat Robertson displaying his commanding authority on the American Constitution

“Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians”
-Pat Robertson … ???

Understandably, Pat Robertson’s political stock has dropped somewhat over the past decade. Prior to the Sharon statement, he was in the headlines for declaring that the U.S. should assassinate Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez. The Evangelical-friendly Bush regime quickly distanced themselves from Robertson’s statements. For voting against the teaching of Intelligent Design in schools, Pat warned of impending doom for the city of Dover, Pennsylvania (keep in mind Intelligent Design is apparently not supposed to be religious).

But without knowing Robertson’s past, one can still only ponder what hopeless amalgamation of anecdotes and superstitions substitute for “logic” in his mind. If God wants to punish Sharon, why didn’t God kill him outright? Having survived a stroke severe enough to kill the average person, Israel’s most popular politician may become a saint and further embolden Israelis to pursue a lasting peace with the Palestinians. Furthermore, why didn’t God reward Benjamin Netanyahu (who went from Prime Minister to a being a guest lecturer on the North American pro-Israeli lecture circuit) for taking a relentlessly hard line? For that matter, why isn’t God rewarding Pat Robertson for his frequent condemnations of … the planet earth? Perhaps there is no logic in asking logical questions about Pat Robertson – it may be best to just enjoy him.